The biggest cost of freelancing is insecurity. Well, that and no maternity leave. Also, no health care. and non-paying customers. Well, maybe freelancing is kind of expensive. While most I asked the freelancers They said their insecurities stem from financial instability, and there are other reasons as well. For me, as a freelancer, I sometimes find myself suffering from emotional insecurity.
I am a neurotic, and I care a lot about what other people think. On the other hand, not caring what people think is sociopathy, in my opinion. we live in Community. It is important what people think! And for the first few years I freelanced, what the people in my life thought was I didn’t have a job. This was in part because of the way I phrased it — I quit my tech job and moved back in with my parents to do open mics every day. So yeah, I can see how they got there.
However, with time, I started earning money as a freelance journalist. I had a business which in many ways resembled my friends; She paid me to do specific tasks, many of which I hated doing. I think this is the definition of a job. Check it out.
However, it took a long time before anyone accepted that I could be busy during the day. To this day, I cringe when anyone suggests I have a wide open schedule or assumes I’m always free. How many times has a friend asked “what am I going to do” on a Wednesday morning. I’m about to receive your emails, Nancy. Wednesday mornings are for emails. How many times has a friend sent me a text saying, “You took a random day off — want to grab lunch?” No, I’m not free to take the subway 45 minutes to lunch, because I’m busy, and also, why do I have so many friends who randomly skip work? In addition, I eat lunch at 10 am like a normal work from Homer.
But my insecurities about freelancing aren’t entirely due to other people. It also comes from me. I live in a way that doesn’t match my own idea of a “real” adult. I often take naps (energy or otherwise), sometimes as early as 10am (on days I have a late lunch). For the sake of my mental health, I walk without my phone, but some of these walks take me all afternoon (without my phone, I have no idea how much time goes by – duh). I convince myself that it’s okay—I work most nights and do stand-up, and some of my best writing is done on the weekends when I don’t have to juggle the day-to-day tasks of my current social media jobs, so of course I have to take off on a random Wednesday afternoon. to turn.
I am still worried because I am in this period of stunted development. That I live like I did in college, though I haven’t had a twin bed since I was 27, which was, also to be fair, a bit too old for a twin bed. I’m afraid I won’t be able to adjust to the rigors of “real” work, if I ever get a job again. I got a part-time job at a nonprofit last year, and once had such bad menstrual cramps that I locked myself in a desk and lay on the floor for a half hour. This office wasn’t mine, though, to be fair, neither was anyone else’s—the company paid so little that there was an almost constant turnover. When I stood up, I was so ashamed. I am not fit to return to the workforce. I can not do that. I also got worse menstrual cramps. Being a woman is downright immoral.
let go of shame
Except, of course, you’re a member of the workforce. I was working in an office, and took a break without getting into any kind of problem. Really, that was in my head. Obviously, I needed to work on getting rid of that shame of not having a “real” job. It’s not accurate, because I work 40+ hours a week and make a decent amount of money every year. But that almost misses the point, too. What if I don’t? What if I work less than 40 hours a week, and are paid less than the minimum wage? Will this be a reason to disrespect myself?
In a way, the freelance worker’s distrust of not being part of the traditional workforce is a microcosm of our collective fears about capitalism not working. In not always having more, in not thriving in the exact way we were taught to thrive. I can snap my fingers and eliminate insecurities from my life. If I could, I would write a killer self-help book and never have to work again! Instead, all I can do is choose not to act on it. I must continue to pursue the career I want, despite what the voices in and out of my head are telling me.
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