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Normally, I’d do a feed for a Reddit post/AmITheAsshole with a talk of my own, but this thread made me too surprised to be creative. The title alone says it all: “WIBTA to force a diet on my wife if she wants to travel with me?”
My friend, What?!
Unfortunately, the original poster appears to be completely serious. User @FitLibrarian9680 took to the infamous Subreddit for some unbiased opinions on his proposed plan. And opinions, he got it.
For context, the OP has been invited to teach ESL classes in Japan this fall. He plans to pursue the opportunity and “apply through the appropriate channels” for a work visa.
“I actually met and exceeded the qualifications so I’m not worried about that,” he wrote.But I do know that Japan has a certain culture that looks down on people who are overweight. I have already started losing weight (30 lbs in 3 months!) in preparation because I want to be accepted into what their community desires. “
There may be some internal obesity phobia at play here, but hey, the choices the OP makes about his body are his business. What Redditors objected to was his plan for his wife, who “wants to come with her [him]”But this can only be done through a spouse’s visa.
“I want her to come with me, you want to come with me, But I want to make her lose weight with me, And I’m not sure if I’d be a TA for dieting if she’d come with me,” he wrote. [you] Btw, I am currently 240lbs and 6’0″, she is 260lbs and 5’9″.
“I want to tell her if she can get 200 lbs by Christmas I will let her go with meOP continued. “I have some rare control over the situation because I need to sign the papers to allow her to declare me as a wife at her request.”
There is… really a lot to unpack here. First and foremost: It is never okay to “diet” your partner. Actually, imposing anything On someone you claim to love – even under the guise of protecting them – is not love. It is a controlling behaviour. This is true regardless of cultural differences.
In the comments, several AITA Redditors called out OP’s uncomfortable choice of words when describing his “rare control over a situation.”
“The grand total. One commenter wrote that this and the “let her come with you” quotes tell us a lot about how he views his wife and what kind of relationship they have.
“YTA – yeah!” someone else’s opinion. “This is really manipulative. Do you really think that there are no overweight people in Japan? You don’t think the two of you are going to go on anyway, you know, because you’re not Japanese? “
The OP is correct about one thing: fat shaming is a legitimate problem, and it can certainly be exaggerated when you travel. However, that’s no excuse to force your partner to lose weight so they can join you on a once-in-a-lifetime journey.
“I mean, honestly, almost everywhere fat people are looked down upon. It’s not true, and it’s horrible, but it’s true. OP acts like they’re going to burn her at the stake for being a little extra,” said one commenter. “Granted, I’ve never been to Japan, but this appears to be a thinly veiled attempt to manipulate his wife into losing weight, since he’s the one who looks down on her now that he’s lost a few pounds. I feel it.”
Another person wrote: “If you love and care about her, you should want her to come with you to Japan to share the very wonderful experience of life.” “This is not to bargain [exert] controlling her. If I were her, I would leave you regardless. “
Another Redditor summed it up perfectly: “Looks like the wife will soon lose 240lbs and unlike the 30lbs she lost she will not gain it back. Of course YWBTA! “
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